I almost cancelled speaking at this event.

Self-sabotage hit hard—here’s why I showed up anyway.

“Oh God, why did I say yes to this!?” I wondered as I drove through the rain on my way to speak at Alex Cattoni’s Posse Fest event.

Has this happened to you?

When you accept to do something months ago, and leading up to the days when you have to do it, you wonder why you even said yes in the first place?

Yep. This was me over the weekend.

Back in July, Alex had reached out asking me to speak at her event:

This was during a time when I was reluctant to say yes to anything, being careful of my previous patterns of over-committing.

But something about Alex’s Posse Fest got me interested:

It was in Vancouver, where I live.

The event was positioned to attract anti-bro marketers. Amazing.

Except one thing didn't sit right:

I didn't want to teach content creation.

I was still finding my own voice after a sabbatical. Teaching it felt inauthentic.

Back then, I’d be so honored to speak that I’d mold myself into whatever topic they’d want me to present on.

I was literally Beyonce in “Cater2U”.

Cater2U may have worked for Beyonce… but it certainly did not work for me.

Yet, it was precisely those patterns that got me in trouble.

So, this time, I wanted to try something different.

I asked Alex to hop on a call:

On that call, I pitched an idea that felt more genuine to me:

A fireside chat about losing yourself while chasing business growth.

I know too well what it feels like to attend a marketing event and leave feeling like you’re not doing enough.

This comparison can lead us to the dangerous path of implementing any strategy to grow more and faster without thinking about whether or not those strategies align with our lifestyle or values — all to be able to say, “I’m making 100k/month!” on IG and be our coach’s favorite success story.

To my relief, Alex loved it even more than the original idea.

I was now officially a speaker.

Perfect!

… But why did I still feel like sh*t the day of my talk!?

Leading up to the event, my self-doubt was POPPIN’ OFF.

What if I choke!? Oh lawwwd why did I pitch a fireside!?

My anxiety was so bad that I fantasized about my car breaking down and saying I could no longer make it. 😂

But alas, I reached the hotel and found my way into the “Speaker Room”.

Three other speakers were already seated, eating lunch, when I approached their table with a smile and introduced myself.

One of them introduced themselves and returned to their food.

The other two didn’t even look my way, continuing their conversation as if I wasn’t there.

No matter how much I smiled and tried to include myself, the clearer it became—I felt excluded and invisible.

I was a fly on the wall, listening to their conversation, talking about industry peers, conversion rates, and other things that reminded me why I left the online coaching space.

Long story short, even though I know it wasn’t intentional, this awkward interaction sent me into a spiral.

It was so bad that Joe (my mentor) called me and coached me through the self-doubt before my talk.

“What are you worried about?” He asked.

“I’m worried that people won’t get it. I’m worried that I’m going to choke. I’m worried that my talk is going to suck because everyone else is actually teaching something. There are hundreds of people here. I’m scared about what the other speakers will think. I’m scared I won’t be good enough.”

Joe paused for a moment on the other end of the line.

“Vanessa, do you think three years ago you would have wished you heard someone speak about the things you’re going to share today?”

"Yes.”

“And do you think it makes sense to change your approach to teaching something because everyone else has keynotes? Do you think this industry needs more marketing keynotes?”

“No…”

“Then why are you trying to change yourself to fit into an outdated model?”

His words hit me hard.

The entire reason I pitched a fireside chat was to do what I felt was right.

So, I made a decision: I wasn’t going to focus on what the other speakers were doing.

I wasn’t going to compare my talk to theirs or worry about their opinions.

I was going to stay in my lane, speak my truth, and trust that the right people would get my message.

And that’s exactly what I did.

I showed up, spoke from the heart, and let go of the need for validation or comparison.

After my talk, both speakers and attendees alike told me how meaningful the fireside chat was to them and how it was exactly what they needed to hear.

It was a reminder that sometimes, the message people need most isn't the one that fits neatly into a strategy, keynote, or framework.

Looking back, here are the biggest lessons I learned from this experience:

#1: Value can come in different forms.

When I felt I didn’t belong at the lunch table, I made it mean that my fireside chat would also not belong at the event.

At one point, I desperately wished I was doing a keynote instead because that’s what everyone else was doing, and it seemed like that’s what the audience liked.

It felt safer to follow the same path, thinking that’s where the value would be.

Funny how my brain works.

But by sticking to my original idea—keeping the chat conversational and focused on storytelling— I learned afterward that people resonated with it even more because it was different.

It gave them something they didn’t know they needed:

Relief.
Feeling seen and understood.
Perspective.

This mirrors what I'm seeing in content creation today. 

While Instagram feeds are filled with expert advice and perfectly aesthetic 7s reels, some of TikTok's most impactful creators share their honest, minimally edited journey, bringing comfort, entertainment, and real connection to their audience.

When you only copy what others are doing, even if it works for them, you miss the chance to create something uniquely valuable.

If you feel pulled to create differently than your industry's "best practices" suggest – trust that instinct.

Your authentic voice might be exactly what your audience needs.

#2: Your story matters more than your stats.

After my talk, I was approached by many people who have watched my content for a long time. Some have been a part of my journey ever since I made videos talking about why I quit my corporate job.

It got me thinking about how some of the most meaningful videos I’ve made were the ones where I had less than 5,000 subscribers and never went viral.

One thing that touched me the most was @jasrosebay, who gave me a heartfelt letter after the event and reminded me of a post I once wrote that helped her through some of the toughest times of her life:

Pssst.. if you can’t read it, you may need to zoom in lol

To me, it was a reminder that even though talking about Instagram and YouTube strategies played a role in growing my accounts, it was the stories and challenges I’ve shared that have changed people's lives.

My friend, Courtney, who attended Possefest, wrote to me:

Standing on that stage, sharing vulnerably about my journey felt infinitely more meaningful than teaching any social media strategy I could have taught.

Sometimes the hardest chapters of our story become the light that helps others find their way.

My hope is that you reading this email will understand that the value you have to offer is far beyond any metric or follower count.

Your struggles today might become tomorrow's inspiration for someone else.

#3: Home is where the real win is.

I used to get really caught up whenever I attended events like these. I usually feel a strong need to impress, to stick around, and to make the most of the opportunity.

To be honest, I used to prioritize these types of opportunities over my personal life.

But this time it was different.

I found myself grateful for the simple joy of leaving the event early and sharing a key lime pie with Leon at 11PM, surrounded by our pets:

The other 4 pets not pictured, but trust me… they were there.

Speaking my truth from stage felt powerful, but coming home to myself felt even better.

I'm learning that success doesn't always look the way the industry says it should.

Sometimes, it's found in quiet moments—when we advocate for what feels right, honor our truth over following a template, or simply share a key lime pie with a loved one after a long day :)

Anyways, I'd love to hear your thoughts!

What do you think about content or the industry nowadays? Am I the only one who fantasizes about canceling something last minute? Anything resonate with you? LOL

I read and try to respond to as many emails as I can on Mondays, and I’d love to catch up with you!

As always, I hope you enjoyed this story and don’t forget to stay true to yourself,

Vanessa :)

P.S. If any of my newsletters have landed with you, please share them with a friend. You can find more stories like this at www.thecreatorjournal.co 🤍