Taking A Leap At 31: Could This Pivot Cost Me Everything?

A decade of building, burning out, and beginning again.

This post is a summary of my reflections. If you'd like to watch or listen to the full episode with more context and stories, click here to watch the full video on YouTube:

Or click here to listen like a Podcast on Spotify:

I've been avoiding writing this for months because, honestly, it's been hard to capture everything I've been going through in a single Substack post.

For many months, I've felt overwhelmed, sad, uncertain, and frustrated.

I had no idea where it was all coming from or how to fix it.

All I had was the awareness that something wasn't clicking and I wasn't my best self, but I couldn't articulate why.

I just thought I was lazy. That I'd fallen off.

"Maybe I just don't have it in me anymore. Maybe my time has passed,"

I would say to myself, on the days I couldn't even bring myself to get out of bed or off the couch.

But then something shifted.

A series of wake-up calls (some gentle, some brutal) forced me to confront what was really happening.

The truth is, I haven’t been lazy.

I’ve been hiding.

Hiding behind what felt safe instead of pursuing what could change my life.

This is the story of how I am going to stop running from the scary thing and start running toward it instead.

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What you'll discover in this post:

• The 5 phases that shaped the last decade of my life (and how each one led to where I am now)

• How getting married changed everything about my priorities and business partnership with Leon

• Why juggling two businesses was slowly killing my potential (and the scary decision I'm making about it)

• 5 lessons I learned from feeling stuck between creator and founder

• What it really takes to let go of guaranteed income to bet on something uncertain

If you've ever felt stuck holding onto something that's working but not growing you, or outgrown what got you here but can't let it go for the unknown, this is for you.

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Lesson #1: You're Not Lazy. You're Just Not Clear.

If I could summarize the phases I've gone through in the last decade, it would be this — psst, if you want the FULL backstory of all the phases, watch this YouTube video or listen on Spotify Podcast:

Phase 1: THE WOUNDED GIRL BOSS (2012-2021):

Girlboss, traumatized from my parents' divorce. Don't need a man. Chip on my shoulder. Prove everyone wrong, burn the midnight oil, and hustle my way to the top, no matter the cost. Full-on masculine energy.

Phase 2: THE BURNT-OUT POSTER CHILD (2022):

At peak success, but completely burnt out. Relationships became increasingly transactional and shallow.

I felt trapped, unable even to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

A whole decade of people pleasing had caught up to me, and my body was keeping score.

This is the year I burned the ships out of desperation to get out.

Phase 3: THE SOFT GIRL (2023):

Rest and restoration. Complete feminine energy. No structure. No work. Sleep when I want, wake up when I want. Travelled. Indulged.

"Can you just retire me so I can be a stay-at-home pet mom? I don't want to work ever again!" was my daily question to Leon.

This is the year I took my sabbatical. People ask me what I did during that time. I tell them: "I did nothing. And it was awesome."

Phase 4: THE ARTIST (2024):

Got a taste of retirement from the soft girl era, and eventually started itching to create!

Came back online and was scared shitless.

I was fully allergic to systems, niches, structure, and deadlines, so I rejected them entirely.

"Who cares? Be yourself! Money isn't as important as you think it is, you know!" was my motto.

Phase 5: THE IN-BETWEEN FOUNDER (2025):

Eventually, the lack of structure began to create chaos and a lack of direction in my professional life.

I found myself caught between two worlds:

1. My personal brand/YouTube channel that had sustained me for years through teaching others content and social media strategies, and
   

2. Superboba, which had grown from a passion project Leon and I started during my sabbatical, into something much bigger.

What began as us experimenting with flavors we loved had evolved into a real business with real customers who were counting on us.

Except I was treating it like it was still just a side hobby.

Almost every day, I would wake up not knowing what was the most important thing I needed to work on, so I'd stay in bed.

Should I focus on YouTube content that I know will perform with guaranteed validation and multiple 4-figure payouts, but keep me trapped on the same hamster wheel?

Or challenge myself with Superboba? Customer emails, supply chain headaches, and creating content that's unfamiliar to make, with no guarantee that any of it will work?

If I did get out of bed, I'd sit in front of my desk for hours, task switching between the two, never fully committing to either.

I'd finally get in flow at 3 pm, but by then I'd wasted most of the day feeling scattered.

This indecision was killing me.

What had started as wanting to "go with the flow" had become my biggest source of frustration.

I genuinely missed the feeling of working towards something with intense clarity and purpose, but I was also too scared to fully commit to either path because I didn't want to end up back in Phase 2 burnout.

I wanted the results, but I was scared to do the work.

Plus, I'm 31 now, and my body can't hustle the way it did before (lol).

It felt like I was navigating a whole new operating system, trying to figure out how to be a founder AND a creator without burning out either.

The worst part?

I started believing I was broken.

I'd make plans and systems, then abandon them due to overwhelm, proving to myself over and over that I couldn't be trusted.

Just as I was spiraling deeper into this self-criticism, I came across this YouTube video from Dan Martell, where he said:

"You're not lazy. You're just not clear."

And it hit me.

I wasn't clear on why I was doing any of it, or how it all fit together.

Should YouTube be funding Superboba, or was I neglecting Superboba to stay comfortable with YouTube?

Was I building two separate things, or was there a way for them to work together?

None of it felt connected because I hadn't made it connected.

Who was I even creating for anymore? What was I even building toward?

While I didn’t fully have the answers, the simple distinction between being lazy vs. being unclear altered my brain chemistry, because:

Identity = "I am lazy" (fixed, internal, who you ARE)

Action = "I'm not clear" (changeable, external, what you DO)

This is when I realized that I had the power to change, and if you've been resonating with my story so far, then you have the power to change, too.

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Lesson #2: When You're Desperate for Direction, Any Road Will Feel Right (But That Doesn’t Mean It IS Right)

During my Artist era, I was allergic to structure.

I turned down over $200K in brand sponsorships just to create without pressure.

But when 2025 rolled around, I craved structure again.

I had just launched Superboba. We were in our early growth phase, not yet profitable.

We were also planning a wedding and honeymoon.

Sponsorships made sense.

And truthfully, I loved them:

• They covered my editor and my time, allowing me to continue creating free content for my audience.
  

• They were more straightforward than client work. Once a video was done, I could move on.
  

• They gave me rhythm and consistency at a time when everything else felt uncertain.
  

But Here’s What I Didn't Want to Admit:

All of this "safety", "structure", and "momentum" was me hiding.

Hiding from the scary, uncertain work of learning how to build Superboba, not just privately, but publicly.

Hiding from the discomfort of not knowing what I was doing in the physical product space.

Hiding from possibly publicly failing at something in front of everyone.

Sponsorships gave me:

Immediate validation, familiar territory, predictable outcomes.

Superboba required:

Delayed gratification, unfamiliar territory, uncertain outcomes.

I convinced myself that spending 80% of my time on YouTube was strategic. In reality, it was just comfortable.

Comfortable… but limiting.

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Lesson #3: Sometimes You Need To Get Called The F*ck Out

ChatGPT is the new Instagram filter, except instead of filtering our faces, it's filtering our logic.

We ask it to make us feel better instead of telling us the truth.

One day, I asked my AI tool, Poppy, to be brutally honest with me.

And… it was.

Yeah… it was pretty brutal.

Here's what made it worse:

Leon has never once complained, made me feel bad, or forced me to do anything with Superboba.

But now that we just got married, it hits differently to know that I've been dropping the ball as a business partner.

Not just as his co-founder, but as his wife.

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The Sunday Revelation

If getting roasted by AI wasn't enough, here's what really shifted everything for me:

The Sunday after reading those screenshots, I was at church, and our pastor said something that hit me so hard, I whipped out my iPhone mid-sermon and jotted it down:

"It's not 'What can I do with what I have?' It's 'What can GOD do with what I have?'"

Pastor Victor explained that at the core of us, we all have an unshakeable Spirit, but external factors keep it contained and blocked.

It could be our minds, thoughts, and feelings.

It could be that we neglect to nurture our bodies.

It could be a fear of judgment or the desire to continue doing what we think is acceptable to our peers.

Regardless of your beliefs, the reframe was powerful:

Maybe there's so much more I can offer if I just get out of my own way and trust the process.

The moment I read those brutal AI screenshots, coupled with that Sunday revelation, I immediately contacted my brand manager.

I cancelled 75% of the deals we had coming up.

But canceling sponsorships was just the first step.

The real breakthrough came when I realized this wasn't just about business strategy. It was about the life and identity I want to build.

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Lesson #4: Sometimes It's The Scary Thing That Could Change Everything

I was inspired when I watched Brittney Saunders talk about why she walked away from her 1 million-subscriber YouTube channel to focus on building Fayt The Label.

She said she couldn't fully grow Fayt while being stuck on the weekly YouTube grind.

Today, she's better known for being the founder of Fayt than for her influencer days.

Listening to her story made me realize something uncomfortable:

You have to let go of Good for Great.

It reminds me of this photo I think about often:

Sometimes God asks us to let go of something we love so He can give us something even better. But in the moment, all we can see is what we're losing.

Ever since my sabbatical, I haven't had much ambition beyond taking things one day at a time.

This lack of ambition caused me to spend most of my days online shopping, doom-scrolling, and telling myself that this is what a comfortable life should feel like.

But here's the thing:

Comfort without purpose isn't actually comfortable. It's just expensive boredom.

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My Vision

When I really think about what Superboba could become, it's bigger than just a tea company.

I grew up being one of those kids whose lunch got called “weird” at school.

For a good portion of my childhood, I tried to fit in by rejecting the very Asian culture I came from.

Now I see matcha everywhere, and it gives me hope.

If matcha can go mainstream, what about oolong? Jasmine? Taro? Lychee?

Superboba is a way for me to reconnect with the parts of myself I used to hide and finally celebrate them.

But I’ve been scared to go all in.

Scared of letting go of what already works.

Scared of starting something new without all the answers.

That’s been the hardest part:

Letting go of the need to be the perfect before I begin.

So maybe this post, this video, this podcast… is me starting anyway.

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Lesson #5: The People Meant for Your Next Chapter Will Find You

Healing and pivoting are a long, messy process.

I can't believe it's been two years since my sabbatical, and I'm still figuring it out. I really thought I'd be farther along by now.

But don't we all?

Here's what I want you to know:

Progress isn't linear.

I've gone back and forth, in circles, up and down, and all around in terms of what I want to do.

It really is like navigating a new operating system when you go through a transition like this.

But here's something else I've learned:

Growth requires disappointing people.

When I quit my corporate job at L'Oréal eight years ago, a director told me it was "a waste of my potential" to leave for something as uncertain as YouTube.

At the time, it stung.

My next job was working as a $12/hr coffee barista, and I really thought maybe he was right.

But that "waste of potential" decision led to everything I have today.

Now I'm facing that same dynamic again. I know there are people who think focusing on Superboba instead of maximizing my YouTube success is another waste of potential.

That I should be launching courses, growing my following to millions, capitalizing on what I've built.

In fact, so many have already said this to my face AND behind my back.

But here's the truth:

Just because someone else doesn’t see the potential, doesn’t mean that the potential doesn’t exist.

You can't become who you're meant to be while trying to stay who you've always been.

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So What IS My Big Leap?

I'm hesitant to declare it because there have been too many times when I've shared my plans out loud, only not to follow through, get overwhelmed, or realize it's not quite what I want.

But for now, here's what feels aligned:

1. I'm stepping into my full role as co-founder at Superboba.
   
   Leon and I spent a week rebuilding our business foundation, and I'm now deeply involved in our metrics, challenges, and opportunities.
   
   Most importantly, we realigned on our shared vision. I feel like a true partner in this business again, not just someone who shows up for content creation.
   

   I'm clear on one thing now: Superboba’s not just a side project I squeeze in between everything else. It’s what I’m building toward.
   

2. My YouTube content and cadence may evolve.

   
   My priority is building Superboba, advancing our mission, and sharing my journey as a co-founder.
   
   You'll see me documenting that journey!

   
   The reality of building a physical product business, working with your spouse as a business partner, and the lessons I'm learning along the way (likely in the yapping format like this video here).
   
   Don’t worry.
   
   I’ll still be talking about content and creator stuff, too. That’s still a big part of my role at Superboba. It might just come from a different perspective.
   

   One thing I’m clear on, though, is no more weekly upload pressure.
   
   No more content just for the sake of it.
   

3. I've cut sponsorships by over 75%.
   
   I kept only the brands that were a whole body “HECK YES”

   
   Everything else that made me hesitate had to go.
   
   I’ve always wrestled with my money mindset (those of you who have followed my journey have witnessed the ups and downs of this lol).
   
   Like most regular human beings, some days I feel strong and grounded, other days the scarcity creeps back in.
   

   Still, I decided to tap into our reserves and fund my salary this year so that I can create with more freedom:

   
   Posting what I want, when I want, and where I want (whether that’s on my YouTube or Superboba’s Instagram).

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A Note to You

Some of you will love this evolution. Some might miss the old content. And others will scrutinize every move I make.

To that last group: I get it. But growth isn’t a straight line. Neither is my content.

I’ll contradict myself. I’ll experiment. I’ll change my mind.

That’s what it means to be human.

Especially when you’re figuring it out in public.

You’re getting a chapter of my life while I’m still writing the full book.

And if any part of my story resonates with you, I hope it gives you permission to share your own messy journey as well.

You don’t need to have it all figured out. But if you stop and reflect, I bet you’ll realize how far you’ve come.

Someone out there needs to see you take the leap, even if you don’t know where you’ll land.

It’s what I wish I had. And it’s what I’m choosing to do now.

Love,

Vanessa

PS: If this post resonated with you, I highly recommend watching or listening to the full 1.5-hour yap session. This substack post only scratches the surface.

It's barely edited and completely unfiltered. The closest you'll get to sitting in my living room while I spill my entire life story 🤣

If you want to know the real me beyond the polished posts, this is it: